December 2004 / January 2005

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Archetypal Energies and The Four
Faces of Romantic Relationships

Carroy U. Ferguson

All relationships are valuable learning experiences. They are mirrors to assist us in our various Earth lessons. As mirrors, relationships, particularly romantic or intimate relationships, reflect to a large extent energies that are going on inside of us. At much deeper levels, these energies are what I call our authentic Archetypal Energies. Over the years, I have come to recognize at least twenty-five of these primary Archetypal Energies, each with a unique function and purpose for our human experience. I use easily recognized terms to evoke a common sense of these energies. Love, for example, is one of these deeper Archetypal Energies, which has its own transcendent value, purpose, quality, and “voice” unique to the individual. When we say, “I love you” to another, for example, what we really mean is, “when I’m in your presence, I’m in touch with the deeper Love inside of me.” The primary barrier to being in touch with these deeper energies when in the presence of another, romantically or otherwise, is fear—fear of intimacy, closeness, or vulnerability. It is important, therefore, to be “open” to various “forms” of relationships, including the many faces of romantic relationships.

As human beings, many of us recognize that we are four-fold beings, with a physical body, a mental body, an emotional body, and a spiritual body. In this context, I suggest that there are primarily four faces of romantic relationships, each representing our desire to “authentically touch” another person and to experience the qualities of the Archetypal Energies inside of us. I call these romantic aspects of our four-fold being- ness our four romantic faces: the physical face, the mental face, the emotional face, and the spiritual face. Ideally, then, romantic relationships often represent our search for our “ideal” mates, or what many people call their soul mates, where we desire to be in touch with all four of these “romantic faces” simultaneously. That is, we have set up our ideal model for a soul-centered, romantic relationship as one where two people simultaneously “feel connected” mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. In truth, however, most people may find partners where only one or two or three of these “romantic faces” are mirrored. We often find ourselves, then, continuing to search for a partner who mirrors all four faces.

We live, however, in the “now,” where relationships unfold. Behind these romantic faces is the desire to authentically experience in the “now” the energies of our true essence with another and to authentically “touch” the energies of the true essence of another. In the “now,” there are four Archetypal Energies that allow us to integrate or synthesize the four romantic faces. I have labeled them Love, Acceptance, Harmony, and Inclusion. What are the characteristics and qualities of these four romantic faces and the Archetypal Energies related to each?

PHYSICAL FACE

Many romantic encounters begin with the physical romantic face. That is, we may first find ourselves physically attracted to the other. Here, our five major physical senses come together in the “now” in such a way that we experience the body in a state of “physical excitement” and “physical attraction” when in the presence of another. The excitement and attraction, however, represent a desire to authentically get in touch with our deeper Archetypal Energies Trust, One-ness, Unity, and Serenity, and to authentically experience these energies while with another. With the physical romantic face, intimacy is often expressed and “mirrored” in how these energies show up in the “now” as we engage the other person in a variety of physical or bodily oriented activities that use our physical senses, including “physical touch,” and sensual, erotic, or sexual encounters.

MENTAL FACE

The mental romantic face represents a search to authentically experience, inside and with another, the Archetypal Energies Flexibility, Courage, Understanding, Truth, Wisdom, Patience, and Inspiration.

Romance at this level is initially influenced by our beliefs and values. Our beliefs structure reality, and our values prescribe the relative importance of something or not. And so, intimacy here is initially guided more or less by how much two people “think” they “resonate” with one another’s beliefs and values, or “believe” they share some communality (e.g., religion, race, culture, class, or socioeconomic status). In this sense, our beliefs and values serve as “directives” or “doors” that can both “open” and “close” possibilities for relating romantically or for getting in touch with the related Archetypal Energies. Here, any romantically related, self-limiting belief will generate and be reinforced by our fears—fear of intimacy, closeness, or vulnerability. We can minimize these limits by recognizing that our beliefs and values are not truths per se, and that we have free will to accept them, to modify them for our unique life circumstances, or to reject them. As we grow with a partner or not, our beliefs can change, and with new self knowledge, our beliefs can change.

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EMOTIONAL FACE

The emotional romantic face represents a search to authentically experience, inside and with another, the Archetypal Energies Enthusiasm, Humor, Beauty, Hope, Abundance, Compassion, Peace, Joy, Clarity, and Vision. It is through the emotional romantic face that we desire to experience these energies in the “now,” inside and with another, as an expansion of our Consciousness. It is through the emotional romantic face that we “consciously” align ourselves and give expression to these deeper energies in our world, and that we seek to co-create our optimal worlds with another so that we can feel good. This is commonly expressed as “I just want to be happy.” Here we may initially use our passions and our emotionbacked perceptions related to the possibilities for pleasure or pain to guide our romantic choices. As we expand our Consciousness, we allow ourselves to be guided more by the deeper energies of this face.

SPIRITUAL FACE

The spiritual romantic face actually represents a search to authentically experience a transcendent state with another as we seek to integrate or synthesize the other three romantic faces in the relationship, or make it okay to romantically connect with another through any of the romantic faces. The spiritual romantic face also represents our desire to acknowledge that our deeper connectedness as human beings in the “now” transcends the current reality, and that it may not be accidental that we and the other person have somehow come together. It makes room, therefore, for soul-centered, romantic relationships to have one, two, three, or all four romantic faces. And, it makes room for “romance” to be experienced and expressed in many different ways.

Again, however, we do have free will, and there is nothing predestined about a romantic encounter. Spiritual arrangements may simply represent “possibilities,” where souls are always “open” to saying “Yes” and “No” to a possible experience. The spiritual romantic face represents our desire to get in touch with the various Archetypal Energies and to tap into our own creative ways of blending these energies, guided by the more integrative energies of Love, Acceptance, Harmony, and Inclusion.

THE ROMANTIC CHALLENGE

The real challenge of romance, however, is facing and removing the barrier of fear—fear of intimacy, closeness, or vulnerability—so that we may get in touch with and express our authentic romantic faces and the deeper Archetypal Energies in intimate ways. Authentic romantic intimacy, therefore, can happen in many different ways —physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, or simultaneously on all of these levels.

CARROY U. FERGUSON, Ph.D., is Professor, University of Massachusetts– Boston, and Associate Editor, Journal of Humanistic Psychology.

2nd Cover Story

Romantic Relationships, A Model for Compatibility
-Kevin Dawson